#Addicted: Trader Joe’s Animal Crackers

One month anniversary.

When you watch as much television as I do, you need a snack. And when you’re a compulsive snack binger, you need a relatively healthy snack to counter the disgusting amount you’re about to consume. After painstakingly criss-crossing the ends of the Earth (the one block that separates Ralphs and Trader Joe’s), I found my match: Trader Joe’s Organic Animal Crackers.

Our relationship began like most others: the first date.

I walked into the alternatively-hip Trader Joe’s on a mission to find a snacking miracle. After getting sucked into the wine vortex in the back (Why does that always happen?), I made it to the aisle of snack food paradise. It’s really unnerving how much unique junk food that store sells. And a lot of it is junk–either calorically-intoxicating, dripping in saturated fat or a sugary trip in a coma. This is L.A. and we do not stand for such health injustices!

At the very end of the row, I came to the animal crackers. I won’t say it was love at first sight–but there was undeniable chemistry. It was love when I read the nutrition label. I saw right into its soul and realized we were meant for each other:

Serving size: 17 crackers (That’s a lot!) / Calories: 120 / Cals from fat: 15 / Total fat: 2g (YES) / Sugars: 6g (Am I being punk’d?!)

There’s even 2g of protein and trace amounts of iron, so it’s like healthy too.

We began seeing each other regularly: Sunday nights for “Looking,” Tuesday nights for “New Girl” and Thursdays for “Millionaire Matchmaker.” Call it the honeymoon stage, if you will. Things were great. I was really happy and I feel like I was putting good energy out into the Universe, which is really important.

But then out of nowhere they became so controlling and so demanding. I was finishing entire containers outside of my television schedule. They went crazy! It’s hard to find a way out when you’re in the depths of a manipulative and sometimes mentally-abusive relationship–or so I’m told. They were there for me when I was sad or happy. But then they would betray me when I was trying to refrain from frivolous snacking. I try so hard to resist but I keep coming back for more. Gimme, gimme more!–And if I keep eating them at this rate, I’m going to look like Britney in her “Gimme More” VMA performance.

It’s even worse now that others are noticing the trap I’m in. Two days ago, when I went to Trader Joe’s to buy my third container in five days, the cashier looked at me and said, “These again?”

“How does he know?! Is it that obvious that I’m spiraling downward and I’m so far removed from reality to recognize it?”

I managed a smile and a meager, “Yup,” as I slowly sucked air into my mouth in awkward tension. I grabbed my lover and ran out of there as fast as I could.

Right now, we’re in a really happy place again. My roommate was super great and assumed the role of a therapist and helped us sort out what each of us really wanted. We actually see eye-to-eye on a lot of things so the future seems really bright. I love them.

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#Addicted: Starbucks red cups

Cue the tears of joy. Go Buddy go!

elf_santa

(P.S. This GIF will appear in every Christmas-related post I write because…well I need no rationale. It’s amazing.)

Christmas doesn’t start for me until a red cup is in my hand. There is just something about recycled waste materials painted with Lake Red 40 that is just so magical and it warms my heart. I was going away this weekend and wanted to make sure that when I returned Sunday evening, I could commence my Christmas season with a Target Christmas aisle spree, red cup in hand. So I did what everyone else would do. I called Target and asked when one could expect the Christmas décor.

“After November 1st,” he said.

This wasn’t good enough for me. “But do you have like, a date, by chance? Like a specific date, possibly time?”

“Definitely by November 3rd.”

Perfect! So then I had to follow up with Starbucks and make sure red cups would be available; you cannot do one without the other. Luckily for me, I received that fantastic little email from Starbucks saying red cups have arrived. Oh, happy joy.

I take this seriously, too. I once walked out of a Starbucks during the holiday season because they did not have red cups. I placed my order and the barista reached over and grabbed one of the Plebeian white cups:

“Um, oh, no, no. That’s ok. Just cancel that.” And out I walked.

And here it is! My first red cup of the season. Merry Christmas, y’all!

Photo (18)

#Addicted: Loreen

World, Loreen. Loreen, world.

Loreen

Loreen (née Lorine Talhaoui) is a Swedish pop singer and badass fashionista. She came to fame in Sweden when she competed in the country’s version of “American Idol” in 2004 where she placed fourth. Worldwide fame fell upon the edgy diva when she blew past the competition and won the 2012 Eurovision Song Contest, representing Sweden with her entry, “Euphoria.”

I came across “Euphoria” and, subsequently, Loreen, while randomly perusing Tumblr. The song was an instant hit for me. So then I decided to sample her album, “Heal.” Now, Eurovision is kind of a joke of sorts in Europe, so I wasn’t really expecting anything…impactful, but was I ever wrong. Track after track I became an even bigger fan.

Her voice is just dope. She has such a sweet spot in her lower register. But more appealing to me is someone who has great control of their voice and knows how to use it as an instrument and an extension to the production. Speaking of production, the sound on the album is tailored to my predilection for chill, night music. She somehow blurs R&B, pop and eurodance genres all into one for a unique sound. To show the variety, there is “Everytime,” a trippy R&B track and “Crying Out Your Name,” a powerful dance number.

That’s just the music, now what about her?

Loreen is just badass, for lack of a better attribute. She has her own style that is just on point and…cool. She’s a cool cat. There’s also this primal, Native American-like infusion in her styling that is just so unique and I love it. She’s a true artist in all aspects and it reflects in her music, image, videos, or any other facet of her career.

And she Hammer-timed on an international competition–like, come on.

“We Got the Power,” is her latest single. The artistic direction is so cool. I love her vibe. Can’t wait for more!

#Addicted: Sweater Weather Wallflower

If you’re like me, then you like for everything to smell good: perfume, shampoo, laundry, soap and, of course, your home. But candles are such a pain in the ass. First, you have to light it. This in itself is a challenge for me; I’m absolutely petrified of fire/heat/anything flame related. Sparklers were no object of fun for me growing up. Putting things in and around the oven requires me to suit up in NASA-like attire. I don’t light matches, that’s why a genius developed the candle lighter. I don’t do conventional lighters either. After you championed fire à la cavemen, there is the problem of potentially burning your house down–not fun. You can’t leave candles lit 24/7 when you go to work, school or wherever, although some do. They’re only useful when you’re actually home. So once you’re kind of on the “Yay I love this candle” train, the wick then proves to be an arch enemy whether it breaks off or becomes a despondent nub. Finally, when you decide to be done with a candle, you have to blow it out and then you’re gagging on burning ember scent and you’re room becomes a scene from Cheech and Chong.

But fear not! Bath & Body Works has saved the day with their Wallflowers.

 

Sweater Weather Wallflower

Sweater Weather Wallflower

These bulbs of joy are scented oils that are released once plugged into any outlet. Yes, I know these things have existed for years and by other companies too (who wants a generic Glade plug-in?), but I just got around to writing about them! Right now I am using their “Sweater Weather” scent and it is pure fall perfection. I’m a seasonal whore, so all of my wallflowers have to match the seasons. This one is particularly great. The scent is most distinctly juniper with other notes of…something–helpful, right? All I know is that it’s amazing and provides a nice spiced scent to my room. In the dining room I have the “Apple Pumpkin” which is good, but not as great.

The best part is, the replacement bulbs are only $6! And they last for weeks! The unit that they screw into is now offered in plentiful shapes and designs to match whatever aesthetic you have going on chez toi. Your roommates, if you have them, will love you for using these too! (But they do NOT get a say in what scent to buy because obvz I know best).

In honor of the great sweater weather wallflower, let’s jam:

 

#Addicted: “Work Bitch” Video

Work Bitch

Work that door.

One word: Dayyyyummmmm.

It’s been a couple of weeks and I still cannot get over how flawless the “Work Bitch” video is. This is full on 2001 Britney at her finest. Sure, she’s put out some OK stuff from then until now (I wasn’t a very big fan of “Circus” though), and “Femme Fatale” was definitely a step in the right direction. But this? It’s Britney, bitch. And she is back (in the form of the Michael Scott Paper Co.–couldn’t resist, “Office” fans), along with her body–choreography is almost there. Still rocking the “doorography” (shoutout to Michael Buckley for this amazing term).

Here are some of the things I noticed:

Anyone else having flashbacks to the Spice Girls’ “Say You’ll Be There” video? Pop music and deserts just go together.

Didn’t anyone tell Brit not to be standing in a garage with a running car? Carbon monoxide, I hear, isn’t fun.

Quick! Game time! How many shameless advertisements can you squeeze into three minutes?! Go!

I’m glad I’m not the only one that likes to wear designer dresses in the middle of shark-infested pools.

I love every single wardrobe selection. Every one. Werk gurl.

Now, if for some reason you had better things to do, like discovering the joy of childbirth or learning why Chinese food is so great, here it is in all its glory: