Coming Out, Explained In GIFs

Pardon the rainbow invasion. Today is the day the gay community celebrates leaping that dreaded hurdle and pronouncing their gayness for everyone to hear. For some it’s easy, for others… finding a resolution for the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict would be easier. Regardless of the journey, we’ve all made it, and it kind of feels like winning gold at the Olympics. It goes a little something like this:

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You start out all young and innocent. Yay.

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And then this happens.

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And you’re like, “WTF I’m 10!”

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Then these really weird feels start.

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But–But–you’re a BOY.

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Maybe it’s just a phase?

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Goddammit! That smile! The feels.

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And your internal struggle begins.

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But you know. You know.

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And sadly, those idiots at school know too.

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Eventually, you just get over it.

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Wait! But my family doesn’t know!

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HELP! HELP! HELP!

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And no matter how many times you try, you bail.

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Then you get a bit dramatic. Shocker.

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Until you just give zero fucks and go for it.

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THE RELIEF. PARRRR-TAYYYY.gay_imfabulous

Not to mention your confidence, which then just gets insane.

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And the birth of such sass.

The End.

 

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Fall Survival Guide

It. Is. FALL.

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Fall is my absolute favorite season of all–you know, out of the whopping four we have. Since I was too busy immersing myself in as many autumn-worthy activities since the official launch of the best season ever, I wasn’t able to inform you all on what you need to know to live happily in fall. Fall. Fall. Fall. Also, I feel fall doesn’t really start until October 1st, which was historically my favorite month until I moved to LA and the state of California burned and stomped all over October’s autumn spirit.

1. Craft your fall playlist

Country is a must. Even if you don’t like Country music, too bad. It’s fall-chic and you’ll love it. Stereotypical imagery of corn stalks, tractors, wagons, buggies, bonfires, and fields help enhance your seasonal experience. Fall is also a time for acoustic pop or simple, guitar-favored songs. Here’s a fall playlist starter kit:

  • “Get Out Of This Town” / Carrie Underwood
  • “We Owned The Night” / Lady Antebellum
  • “Stop Standing There” / Avril Lavigne
  • “Irreplaceable” / Beyonce
  • “This Is How We Roll” / Florida Georgia Line Ft. Luke Bryan
  • “Through The Dark” / One Direction
  • “Fast Car” / Tracy Chapman
  • “Love Story” / Taylor Swift
  • “Nothing” / The Script
  • “Don’t Forget To Remember Me” / Carrie Underwood
  • “It’s Okay” / Coin
  • “Scarecrow” / Alex & Sierra
  • “With You” / Chris Brown
  • “The One That Got Away” / Katy Perry
  • “Leave the Night On” / Sam Hunt
  • “The Night Before (Life Goes On)” / Carrie Underwood
  • “Red” / Taylor Swift
  • “Last Goodbye” / Kesha

2. Buy (and wear) a shit load of flannels with khakis and boots.

It’s the essential fall wardrobe. Wear the flannels. Tie them around your waist (because that’s a thing now). Put on your killer Timbalands or other choice of boot. DON’T: Buy a cowboy hat. No. That’s too much. If you wear these things, you will feel great about how fall-y you look and others will wish they feel like you do. You: 1. Them: 0.

3. Be Martha Stewart.

I don’t mean insider trading, either. I’m talking about turning pumpkins into chandeliers. If you don’t already have a warm, neutral color palette in your home, get one. You need to have a cozy and modern style that can be upgraded with seasonal flare and return to a respectable and fashionable normal. You feel me? Time to start adding the yellows, oranges, browns and reds to that canvas and make it feel like the goddamn Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade just came barreling through your home. I was just in Pier One and I can say there were some good finds–I literally gasped when I entered. P.S. Don’t forget fake leaves if you live in the stupid desert climate like me and don’t have them.

4. If it doesn’t have pumpkin or pumpkin spice, you can’t eat it.

By Christmas, you should have an orange glow. The carotene should be pumping through your veins like Amanda Bynes on a highway. There are enough pumpkin products on the market now to support your well-being for the next 2 months without dying. Put pumpkin puree in your pancake batter. PSLs or pumpkin chai will start your day. Roast pumpkin and butternut squash for a salad. They even have pumpkin spice Oreos for your late-night sweet fix. Bake pumpkin seeds for a mid-day snack. I don’t want to hear it. You can do wonders with a pumpkin–WONDERS!

5. Be one with nature.

I don’t go outdoors unless…well…well that’s besides the point. Point is, there are so many things to do in fall! Here are a few mandatory events:

  1. Pumpkin Patch. No one wants to go to a chain grocery store and get a pumpkin when you can go to a PUMPKIN PATCH. There’s cider, hay stacks, face painting and well-dressed fall-lites. It’s the place to be.
  2. Apple picking. This is like level-3 outdoor intensity, so make sure you’re fit. This choice includes walking outside–possibly on an incline, uneven terrain, insects, ungodly sites of insect-infested apples, and more. They also tend to happen near very quaint, All-American towns which is awesome. If you’re in the L.A. area, I suggest Julian, CA.
  3. Corn mazes. Aw, hell. This shit is my jam. This is strictly a nighttime activity. Take all your friends, take your PSLs, take your flannels, take your fall playlist and have fun getting lost! Torture has never been so much fun. But the haunted ones, fuck that shit. That’s a no.

With my astute, fall wisdom, you should be able to successfully make it through the next two months. If you need to discuss some awesome fall thing that I don’t know (highly unlikely), hit me up on Twitter @BryceChristian. Happy Fall!

Chrissy Teigen Puts Arianator To Shame

Supermodel and superwife Chrissy Teigen is used to sizzling on screen, but Mrs. John Legend brought the heat to Twitter last night.

After appearing on Nick Cannon’s MTV improv show, Wild N Out, one John Legend fan tweeted:

Considering things didn’t go particularly well for Teigen at the Dodgers-Angels game, where she threw out the first pitch to some shaky reviews, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model was already in combat mode and this Tweet got shredded.

After browsing through the user’s Twitter account, which features Ariana Grande in the profile picture, there is copious fangirling going on about the “Break Free” singer, which Teigen sarcastically referenced.

In an online world that gives the megaphone to anyone with Internet access, opinions–the good and the ugly–are delivered right to the phones of high-profile personalities. The decision to be made by these personalities is: to tweet or not to tweet? I would think any conventional PR manager would urge their client to refrain from responding to anonymous critics, but I’m certainly not going to support that. Do you think William Shakespeare would stand to see millions of anguished high schoolers rip apart his classic pieces of art with uneducated critiques? I would hope not. So, you go Chrissy! Let ’em have it. The world would be so insanely dull if we were all politically correct, high-road taking PR puppets.

The Twitter-er @goodnessjack without fail hid behind the argument of, “It was just an opinion. I can only rationalize your outburst as insecurity.” Here’s the problem with that: You cannot give an informed opinion on someone’s marriage if you are not involved in either John or Chrissy’s life. A song? Yes. You hear it from start to finish and can say, “I don’t like it.” To say John can find a better wife? I’m sorry, I must have missed you at the wedding since you’re so close to the family to have that kind of opinion. All I know is that I was working the Billboard Music Awards and saw John give Chrissy a piggy-back ride backstage after rehearsing his love ballad about her–to her–so if you were a true John Legend fan, you would support him in his choice of wife because he obviously loves this woman. And deservedly so–Have you seen what she can whip up in the kitchen?

The Demise of Zayn Malik’s Hair

Despite the amazing news that One Direction was named the best-selling musical act worldwide in 2013, tragedy is among us–and it’s a…hairy situation.
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1D hearthrob (and my husband, for those not invited to the intimate rooftop affair) Zayn Malik was spotted sporting a new grungy look–a complete departure from his standard, picture-perfect hair.

“The Zayn” hairstyle influenced thousands of guys around the world with its edgy undercut and a gravity-defying quiff. By thousands, I mean myself and all of the YouTube personalities I came across featuring a how-to guide for Mr. Malik’s signature look. I also may or may not have gone into my stylist’s salon and shown him a picture of Zayn for reference. And there’s a possibility that I did not.

Regardless, I will not stand for this injustice. I will let you all know that I have it under control and texted him that, “We need to talk when you get home.”

You got into college? Cool. This NY teen got accepted to ALL EIGHT Ivies.

Today, I did some shopping for my new room. I enjoyed/demolished a baracoa burrito at Millennial food establishment of choice, Chipotle. I attended class. I feel pretty accomplished in my day thus far. Oh, and I almost forgot, “The Mindy Project” starts up again tonight!

kwasi2In the mean time, Long Island, New York high school student Kwasi Enin is perched in his home debating if he will attend Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, Princeton, University of Pennsylvania or Yale. Yes, that is an exhaustive list of every Ivy League university in America, all of which granted the first-generation American acceptance letters…I’m assuming he won’t want to rapid-fire iMessage later about the romantic future of Mindy and Dr. Castellano?

Enin’s parents emigrated to the United States from Ghana, which proved to be a pretty great decision. Their son scored in the 99-percentile of the SAT–or Suicidal Actualization Test, for those of you who have not subject yourself to them–with a score of 2,250 out of a possible 2,400, according to NBC 4.

Now the burning question: But WHICH school are you going to choose?! I’m having mounting anxiety for you.

When he spoke with USA Today, he said he hasn’t decided, but his preference would be Yale.

Funny enough, Mindy Kaling went to Dartmouth, so I think he should choose Dartmouth. Then again, I think that’s in some small town in cold, cold New Hampshire. Both small towns and brutal cold make give me hives, so maybe not the best. I’m assuming his thought process is a lot more elaborate than mine. Hermione Granger went to Brown, so that’s kind of cool too.

In closing, I was going to attach my Harvard rejection letter, but sadly I cannot find it.

 

[images via Uptownmag and USA Today]

WATCH: What would English sound like to a foreigner?

Okay, so this girl needs to be my new best friend. As an avid language enthusiast, I can appreciate/loathe those who are able to speak more than two languages fluently. This means I love/hate nearly every European and about 1/3 of the rest of the world. One day my three-quarter-ass Spanish and one-quarter-ass French will be perfect.

Not that this woman from Finland is actually speaking any languages, she’s just impersonating their sound, but it still sounds just about right. After going through a few languages, she gets to U.S. English (as opposed to UK English which she also does) and you can hear the difference: we sound so tragically basic.

 

Meet the newest Kardashian sister: Bruce Jenner

Bruce Jenner was spotted near L.A. yesterday for the first time since having his Adam’s apple reduced and he looks…well….

[via TMZ]

[via TMZ]

Bruce seems to be taking the split from Kris pretty rough. He is now trying to become a Kardashian in the hopes that she will adopt him back into the family. He is now sporting an ombre hairstyle that looks much fuller than usual–weave anybody? He’s going to look so fabulous for his breast implant consultation.

Meanwhile, daughter Kendall Jenner has been posting some sexy, edgy modeling pictures to her Instagram account. Check ’em out:

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Dumb Starbucks coming to NYC

[via TheDailyMeal]

[via TheDailyMeal]

I’m sure you’ve read all about it now: Dumb Starbucks. A pop-up store in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles, is serving up “dumb” variations of all the classic Starbucks beverages. The baristas even write your name on the cup as “Dumb Bryce,” or whatever your parents entitled you.

Today, the owner revealed himself: Canadian writer and comedian, Nathan Fielder. He announced outside of his dumb store that he was bringing the dumb experience to Brooklyn.

My condolences, BK. From what I heard, the coffee is “horrible” and the pastries were packaged from a local grocery store. Granted, the coffee is free, but I’m not seeing the point of standing in line–which has been clocked in at over an hour–for bad, free coffee. Is it just me? And, there is no health inspection letter grade. No thank you. This princess only dines in “A” restaurants.

My favorite thing about this parody is the replicated Starbucks music selection. They honestly have a CD called “Dumb Norah Jones Duets.”

[via TheActorsDiet]

[via TheActorsDiet]

New sport added to Winter Olympics: Hot mess of a shit show

sochilogoThe 2014 Winter Olympic Games are just 24-hours away. Throngs of spectators, athletes and journalists have descended on the host city of Sochi, Russia to dodge possible terrorist attacks, enjoy cold weather and observe Russian homophobia.

There was already much speculation leading up to this year’s games that Sochi was simply not ready. The Washington Post documented a few of the warning signs that vodka was inhibiting satisfactory progress. Like, I know I procrastinate with an essay or two–slash every assignment–but on a two week international sporting spectacle seen ’round the world? They trippin’.

All of the media personnel setting up shop in Sochi are now coming face-to-face with the aftermath of Russia’s superb *cough* planning, and it is…hilarious:

Let the 2014 Hunger Games begin! May the odds be ever in your favor.