Closet Confessional: Grammy’s Red Carpet

“Music’s Biggest Night,” rocked the Staples Center in Los Angeles last night. The CBS telecast drew in the show’s second-largest audience in over two decades with 28.5 million views. Beyoncé’s sultry “Crazy in Love” performance, Taylor Swift’s thug transformation and a mass Queen Latifah-officiated gay wedding all helped give the show a boost. But before the stars came out to play, they graced the red carpet in a wild assortment of fashions. Here are some of the highlights and crash-and-burners:

Taylor Swift, Gucci

Although I gave her a lot of slack last night (it’s just so much fun) she absolutely nailed it. This glittery silver dress was age and event appropriate. It was the serene calm before the head-thrashing and gangster-leaning storm that unfolded indoors.


Beyoncé, Michael Costello

Bey skipped the red carpet to prepare for opening act, and probably for a good reason: She didn’t want to outshine everyone else–because she’s thoughtful that way. This white lace dress looks gorgeous on her and her new edgy blonde cut fits it well. I even love the little extra fabric on her forearm. On anyone else, I’d be saying, “Why are you wearing a doily?”


Katy Perry, Valentino

You never know what you’re going to get with this rowdy one: cheese hat? blue hair? pink hair? octogenarian drab? Last night she elected for a whimsical, musically-inspired white gown. The haunting-glam look was swiftly abandoned indoors as she morphed into a witch hunter swinging around on broomstick stripper poles.


Ciara, Pucci

Just weeks after Olivia Wilde proved that pregnancy can still be hot on the red carpet, Ciara came out to play in a beautiful, gold sequin stunner, which complements her skin tone so well. Pregnancy glow is real people. I need some of that these days.


Chrissy Teigen, Johanna Johnson

Although it should be a crime to outshine your partner that is nominated for a Grammy (in this case, John Legend), but when you look this good, we forgive. It should be no secret that this Sports Illustrated swimsuit model knows how to dazzle.


DJ Mark Ronson and wife Josephine de la Baume, Unknown

“We’re so excited to be here.” The only thing more excited are her nipples.

Josephine de La Baume, Mark Ronson

Shawn Crahan of Slipknot, Spirit Halloween Superstore

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Unfortunately, my mommy was not available to shield my eyes from It deciding to crash the red carpet. Thankfully I don’t have a red carpet hosting gig (yet) because I would have run away screaming.


Cyndi Lauper, Alexander McQueen

A just birthed animal? Last night’s ragu? An unraveling ball of yarn? What exactly was the objective with your hair? But I do like the cape and slim-fit pants combo.

Cyndi Lauper

Zendaya Emanual, Ungaro

You are so beautiful, why? It’s so unflattering and homemade looking. “Quick! We have to go. Just grab the shower curtain and let’s go!”


Pharrell Williams, Only God knows

Pharrell Williams

That’s about it for me. I will be back with another closet confessional following the Academy Awards March 2.


“If I was your inmate”…Justin Bieber arrested!

Courtesy of Adante Carter (IG: @__Prince_of_Egypt__)

Courtesy of Adante Carter (IG: @__Prince_of_Egypt__)

“What the f*** did I do?” “I ain’t got no f***ing weapons!” “What the f*** is this about?”

These are just a few excerpts from Bieber’s Miami Beach arrest early this morning. The pop star was charged with drag racing, DUI, resisting authority and driving on a suspended license, according to Miami police.

Bieber and Def Jam rapper Khalil were found in yellow and red lamborghinis doing 55-60 m.p.h. through a 30 m.p.h. residential neighborhood. Two black SUVs were also found “as if to stop traffic” and secure their temporary NASCAR speedway, the police report stated.

The report also claims Bieber reeked of alcohol, had bloodshot eyes, slow movement and “a stupor look on his face.”

I thought that facial expression was a constant though, no? And an EXPIRED driver’s license?! Don’t you pay people to go do that stuff for you? And you are JUSTIN BIEBER, go rent out the Indy Speedway if you want to race.

All in all, I was disappointed with this arrest. It just does not compare to the superb performance given by Reese Witherspoon. Bieber acted like a punk and that mugshot is cringeworthy. Reese handled it with grace and an inaccurate yet applaudable interpretation of U.S. law.



Just in time for Christmas: Another Justin Bieber movie

Canada’s Fresh Prince of Stratford is releasing yet another movie. Did anyone else know this was happening, or are you still as confused as I am?

The Believe Facebook page was created earlier this month and features a pair of Youtube teasers for the film. The actual teaser itself reads, “There’s more to his story.”

A lot has indeed happened since the 2011 release of his first documentary “Never Say Never,” which took in $73 million at the box office. This proved to be a successful venture for the Biebz, comparing the film’s success to other music artists’ attempt to crack the box office. One Direction’s “This Is Us,” has taken in $29 million this year. Katy Perry’s 2012 “Part of Me,” followed close behind with $25 million, while “Glee the 3D Concert Movie” managed a meager $12 million in 2011.

Guessing from the teasers released thus far, the film looks to be very similar to its prequel: concert footage plus P.R.– masterminded vignettes showcasing how inspirational and genuine Justin is. Hopefully the film will address my one burning question: WHERE did the MONKEY come from?

I guess I’ll have to wait and see until Christmas Day. Best present ever!