Yeezus À La Mode: Kanye’s GQ Cover Story

Miranda: Get me Demarchelier.

Andy: I have Miranda Priestly calling for–Okay. I have Patrick!

I don’t know if Jim Nelson, Editor-in-Chief of GQ, is anything like my beloved Miranda Priestly, but this is how I would like to imagine GQ’s August cover story shoot with Kanye West and legendary photographer Patrick Demarchelier was arranged.

I was super excited when I received my copy in the mail yesterday–Yes, I still order print magazines. As controversial and bold as Ye might be, there is one thing you can’t deny: this man has style. And I love everything about his style. Okay, so he’s low key my fashion inspiration of late. I have always been a fan of tonal combinations (white-on-white or black-on-black, etc.) and loose-fitting tops over slim-legged pants, but Kanye just slays it to perfection. Even though he’s been sort-of-but-not-really ex-communicated within the fashion world, he’s doing quite a fine job on his own accord.

West’s style, a neutral and tonal marriage of rock n’ roll and streetwear was illuminated to perfection by Demarchelier in the GQ photo spread:

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If you’re wearing layers, you can be in L.A., New York, Paris, in an airport lounge, or on a plane, taking layers on and off however. And the proportions get emotional. You know how a graphic can express a feeling or an emotion? Layers can, too.

–Kanye West

Kanye currently has a collection with French fashion store A.P.C. Most everything I want is sold out. Sad face.

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Closet Confessional: Grammy’s Red Carpet

“Music’s Biggest Night,” rocked the Staples Center in Los Angeles last night. The CBS telecast drew in the show’s second-largest audience in over two decades with 28.5 million views. Beyoncé’s sultry “Crazy in Love” performance, Taylor Swift’s thug transformation and a mass Queen Latifah-officiated gay wedding all helped give the show a boost. But before the stars came out to play, they graced the red carpet in a wild assortment of fashions. Here are some of the highlights and crash-and-burners:

Taylor Swift, Gucci

Although I gave her a lot of slack last night (it’s just so much fun) she absolutely nailed it. This glittery silver dress was age and event appropriate. It was the serene calm before the head-thrashing and gangster-leaning storm that unfolded indoors.

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Beyoncé, Michael Costello

Bey skipped the red carpet to prepare for opening act, and probably for a good reason: She didn’t want to outshine everyone else–because she’s thoughtful that way. This white lace dress looks gorgeous on her and her new edgy blonde cut fits it well. I even love the little extra fabric on her forearm. On anyone else, I’d be saying, “Why are you wearing a doily?”

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Katy Perry, Valentino

You never know what you’re going to get with this rowdy one: cheese hat? blue hair? pink hair? octogenarian drab? Last night she elected for a whimsical, musically-inspired white gown. The haunting-glam look was swiftly abandoned indoors as she morphed into a witch hunter swinging around on broomstick stripper poles.

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Ciara, Pucci

Just weeks after Olivia Wilde proved that pregnancy can still be hot on the red carpet, Ciara came out to play in a beautiful, gold sequin stunner, which complements her skin tone so well. Pregnancy glow is real people. I need some of that these days.

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Chrissy Teigen, Johanna Johnson

Although it should be a crime to outshine your partner that is nominated for a Grammy (in this case, John Legend), but when you look this good, we forgive. It should be no secret that this Sports Illustrated swimsuit model knows how to dazzle.

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DJ Mark Ronson and wife Josephine de la Baume, Unknown

“We’re so excited to be here.” The only thing more excited are her nipples.

Josephine de La Baume, Mark Ronson

Shawn Crahan of Slipknot, Spirit Halloween Superstore

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Unfortunately, my mommy was not available to shield my eyes from It deciding to crash the red carpet. Thankfully I don’t have a red carpet hosting gig (yet) because I would have run away screaming.

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Cyndi Lauper, Alexander McQueen

A just birthed animal? Last night’s ragu? An unraveling ball of yarn? What exactly was the objective with your hair? But I do like the cape and slim-fit pants combo.

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Zendaya Emanual, Ungaro

You are so beautiful, why? It’s so unflattering and homemade looking. “Quick! We have to go. Just grab the shower curtain and let’s go!”

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Pharrell Williams, Only God knows

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That’s about it for me. I will be back with another closet confessional following the Academy Awards March 2.

Closet Confessional: Golden Globes Red Carpet

The stars descended upon the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, Calif. to grace the red carpet for the 2014 Golden Globe Awards. Sunday night’s ceremony was frothing with belligerent, champagne-induced antics, a tradition of sorts, and I enjoyed every minute of it. The fashion on the red carpet followed suit: from sexy lizard goddess to expired Christmas presents, we saw it all. Shall we?

Lupita  Nyong’o, Ralph Lauren

First time at the Golden Globes? No big deal. I’m just going to kill it, because I’m a boss like that.

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Emma Watson, Dior Couture

Props for being too cool for school. Pants? Dress? How about both! Hermione is reinventing red carpet style with her unique take on Dior, and I want more. And that color is just gorgeous on her. Wingardium leviosa that bitches!

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Mila Kunis, Gucci Premiere

I mean, it kind of looks like one of those melting silver people from the CapriSun commercials circa 1998, but she pulls it off–probably because she has that icy, “I will cut you” look.

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Sandra Bullock, Prabal Gurung

So bold! So flirty! Love. This is  such a departure from her usual red carpet wardrobe, and she is making it work.

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Usher, Calvin Klein

Men’s fashion is usually so drab and boring. Leave it to Ersher, baby to accomplish smooth swag in a velvety tux. If sex were a suit, this would be it.

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Now, what to do when you’re pregnant on the red carpet:

Olivia Wilde, Gucci Premiere

Sexy reptilian goddess. That’s right, I’m pregnant and I look damn good. Questions? #werk

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What NOT to do when you’re pregnant:

Drew Barrymore, Monique Lhuillier

You can rob the florist and try to camouflage that bump, but come on, I see you. Let your baby shine. It does help that she’s just so adorable anyway.

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Berenice Bejo, Giambattista Valli

That’s where all of my bloody tissues went…

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Zosia Mamet, Reem Acra

If she stands still enough, you might actually think you’re in Narnia.

gg_zosia

Edie Falco, Lanvin

Christmas is over, sweetheart. It’s OK. I’m sad too, but we have to let it go.

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Sofia Vergara, Zac Posen

Have you seen Men In Black II? Just sayin’….

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Best of the rest:

Lily Rabe, Georges Hobeika

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Uma Thurman, Versace

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Margot Robbie, Gucci

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Zooey Deschanel, Oscar de la Renta

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WTF: a photo gallery

I’m constantly on the go. I don’t own a car (sad face) so I’m always interacting with way too many people for my own good. Bus trips, subway trips, walking trips–I see it all. This post is dedicated to all of the “WTF” moments I have encountered over the years.

I will take a picture of anything with my iPhone. If you look like an asshole or are failing at life miserably, Imma document it. Depending on my mood, I will try to be discrete about taking your picture, but more often then not I just point, shoot and smile with the satisfaction of my photographic achievement–at your expense.

1. Fashion trend: umbrella stand meets Egyptian flair.IMG_0379

2. One of my sister’s Christmas presents last year. My direct quote: “Who gave Calysta the Dildo night light?” My mom looked at me puzzled. “You seriously don’t see anything wrong with that?” The perfect gift for every child afraid of the dark.IMG_0708

3. Ok, so, did you steal the hat and are proud of it? Or, are we just forgetful? Could very well be a new trend, but I didn’t get the memo.IMG_0592

4. I have so many strong emotions about this. First, this is a Starbucks, not a damn living room. Second, get your nasty feet off of the table that people put their food on and work from. Third, I don’t want to hear any sass from you when I break out my Clorox wipes from my messenger bag and sanitize the premise. IMG_1371

5. Did you mean “yummy?” No need to ask what your TOEFL score was. IMG_6141

6. If you need to stop at the $0.99 store for your protection, I would advise you just stop now and rethink a few things, starting with your life choices. IMG_7037

7. My name’s Bryce, but OK. Whatever.IMG_5620

8. Our cat left this for us outside our front door. How sweet. She’s soooo cute. IMG_4297

9. Why I don’t travel with my dad more often. He pulls shit like this.

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10. And then there’s my mom, who removes snow with a Wal-Mart bag.

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11. Helen Keller is doing the mannequin displays at Kohl’s again. IMG_7555

12. This is just too much. Your wish of valeting at Ihop is now a reality. This isn’t Craft or Spago, park your damn car yourself. Also, there is only one lot out back of the restaurant, so I’m not sure what the winning advantage is here. IMG_2240

13. After a night in Vegas, I awoke to a knife on the floor. No one would claim responsibility for their late night decision not to murder the others in the room. IMG_7337

14. Aw, look at this adorable family. Yes, that is the father. Yes, that is the mother. And yes, that is their child. What did I tell you about those $0.99 condoms?IMG_5683

15. Say what you want about taking the bus, but do you get free snacks on your drive to work?IMG_7155

2013 MTV EMAs: Music sings, fashion flops

The music industry circus landed in Amsterdam today for the 2013 MTV European Music Awards, the uncanny sister to the MTV Video Music Awards.

Before the night began, the stars hit the red carpet outside the Ziggo Dome in the Dutch capital. First there was the arrival of the one and only, Miley Cyrus. The “Wrecking Ball” singer opted for a Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. dress with thigh-high patterned boots. Your obvious go to, right?

MTV EMA's 2013 - Backstage

One leading lady down, another to go: Katy Perry. The roaring pop tigress was anything but this evening. The California Gurl played it safe and old school in a grandmotherly, shimmering mint dress with 60’s housewife hair. ema_katy

Australian rapper Iggy Azalea arrived in a skimpy, black hoo-ha revealer. The proportions were all off. She has a tiny midsection and some serious leg, which the dress only dramatizes. I don’t even have to ask if there was a nip cervical slip.

MTV EMA's 2013 - Red Carpet Arrivals

While the Americans and the Aussie have let us down, perhaps a European could rescue the night? Ellie Goulding?! Nope, not happening either. So unflattering and the hair is just a drag.

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Red carpet host, Laura Whitmore was sexy and flirty with a tiered World of Warcraft dress. Not half-bad. ema_laurawhitmore

The best-dressed award goes to Tyson Beckford with arm candy Shanina Shaik. Note to other guests: this is how you dress for an awards show.

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…Unless your name is RedFoo, and your hosting the show, then you show up like this without any questions asked:

MTV EMA's 2013 - Red Carpet Arrivals

Aside from the fashion faux-pas, there was much to appease the eyes and ears once the performances started rolling. Miley Cyrus gave a very raw and elegant version of “Wrecking Ball,” which was executed to perfection. The Killers made a showing as well, debuting their new single, “Shot at the Night,” before shifting into their smash hit “Mr. Brightside” to the delight of the crowd–and me, more or less because Brandon Flowers was on my screen. “Best Female” winner Katy Perry stunned the crowd with her prismatic and colorful rendition of her new single “Unconditionally.” Perry levitated above the stage, adorned with colorful strips of fabric before–BAM–busting out into a mirrored human disco ball.

I’m just so excited it’s awards season! Next up: American Music Awards! See you then.

Quick! Chop off your hair. It’s the cool thing to do.

I missed the memo that seemingly percolated through Tinseltown: If your name is Jennifer, take an axe to your hair.

Two of Hollywood’s A-listers are sporting the new look, but in different fashions. First we have Jennifer Aniston, who selected an edgy bob from longtime hair stylist and “The Rachel” creator, Chris McMillan. Aniston said she was “ready for something new.”

EXCLUSIVE Jennifer Aniston with a new haircut and pregnant leaving doctors

Somewhere in the sky, Jennifer Lawrence posted a pic of her adorable pixie cut to Facebook while en route to Global Fan Day alongside her “Hunger Games” co-stars.

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Meanwhile, the always fashionable Charlize Theron stepped out in killer winter attire reminding everyone who the baddest short-haired blonde bitch in town is. And I concur.

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I think Jen-squared need to grow their hair back. J-Law looks like a suburban soccer mom now 😦

So who do you think wins the battle of battered hair?