Closet Confessional: Grammy’s Red Carpet

“Music’s Biggest Night,” rocked the Staples Center in Los Angeles last night. The CBS telecast drew in the show’s second-largest audience in over two decades with 28.5 million views. Beyoncé’s sultry “Crazy in Love” performance, Taylor Swift’s thug transformation and a mass Queen Latifah-officiated gay wedding all helped give the show a boost. But before the stars came out to play, they graced the red carpet in a wild assortment of fashions. Here are some of the highlights and crash-and-burners:

Taylor Swift, Gucci

Although I gave her a lot of slack last night (it’s just so much fun) she absolutely nailed it. This glittery silver dress was age and event appropriate. It was the serene calm before the head-thrashing and gangster-leaning storm that unfolded indoors.

grammy_tswift

Beyoncé, Michael Costello

Bey skipped the red carpet to prepare for opening act, and probably for a good reason: She didn’t want to outshine everyone else–because she’s thoughtful that way. This white lace dress looks gorgeous on her and her new edgy blonde cut fits it well. I even love the little extra fabric on her forearm. On anyone else, I’d be saying, “Why are you wearing a doily?”

grammy_beyonce

Katy Perry, Valentino

You never know what you’re going to get with this rowdy one: cheese hat? blue hair? pink hair? octogenarian drab? Last night she elected for a whimsical, musically-inspired white gown. The haunting-glam look was swiftly abandoned indoors as she morphed into a witch hunter swinging around on broomstick stripper poles.

grammy_katy

Ciara, Pucci

Just weeks after Olivia Wilde proved that pregnancy can still be hot on the red carpet, Ciara came out to play in a beautiful, gold sequin stunner, which complements her skin tone so well. Pregnancy glow is real people. I need some of that these days.

grammy_ciara

Chrissy Teigen, Johanna Johnson

Although it should be a crime to outshine your partner that is nominated for a Grammy (in this case, John Legend), but when you look this good, we forgive. It should be no secret that this Sports Illustrated swimsuit model knows how to dazzle.

grammy_chrissyt

DJ Mark Ronson and wife Josephine de la Baume, Unknown

“We’re so excited to be here.” The only thing more excited are her nipples.

Josephine de La Baume, Mark Ronson

Shawn Crahan of Slipknot, Spirit Halloween Superstore

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Unfortunately, my mommy was not available to shield my eyes from It deciding to crash the red carpet. Thankfully I don’t have a red carpet hosting gig (yet) because I would have run away screaming.

grammy_slipknot

Cyndi Lauper, Alexander McQueen

A just birthed animal? Last night’s ragu? An unraveling ball of yarn? What exactly was the objective with your hair? But I do like the cape and slim-fit pants combo.

Cyndi Lauper

Zendaya Emanual, Ungaro

You are so beautiful, why? It’s so unflattering and homemade looking. “Quick! We have to go. Just grab the shower curtain and let’s go!”

Zendaya

Pharrell Williams, Only God knows

Pharrell Williams

That’s about it for me. I will be back with another closet confessional following the Academy Awards March 2.

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Closet Confessional: Golden Globes Red Carpet

The stars descended upon the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, Calif. to grace the red carpet for the 2014 Golden Globe Awards. Sunday night’s ceremony was frothing with belligerent, champagne-induced antics, a tradition of sorts, and I enjoyed every minute of it. The fashion on the red carpet followed suit: from sexy lizard goddess to expired Christmas presents, we saw it all. Shall we?

Lupita  Nyong’o, Ralph Lauren

First time at the Golden Globes? No big deal. I’m just going to kill it, because I’m a boss like that.

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Emma Watson, Dior Couture

Props for being too cool for school. Pants? Dress? How about both! Hermione is reinventing red carpet style with her unique take on Dior, and I want more. And that color is just gorgeous on her. Wingardium leviosa that bitches!

gg_emma

Mila Kunis, Gucci Premiere

I mean, it kind of looks like one of those melting silver people from the CapriSun commercials circa 1998, but she pulls it off–probably because she has that icy, “I will cut you” look.

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Sandra Bullock, Prabal Gurung

So bold! So flirty! Love. This is  such a departure from her usual red carpet wardrobe, and she is making it work.

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Usher, Calvin Klein

Men’s fashion is usually so drab and boring. Leave it to Ersher, baby to accomplish smooth swag in a velvety tux. If sex were a suit, this would be it.

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Now, what to do when you’re pregnant on the red carpet:

Olivia Wilde, Gucci Premiere

Sexy reptilian goddess. That’s right, I’m pregnant and I look damn good. Questions? #werk

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What NOT to do when you’re pregnant:

Drew Barrymore, Monique Lhuillier

You can rob the florist and try to camouflage that bump, but come on, I see you. Let your baby shine. It does help that she’s just so adorable anyway.

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Berenice Bejo, Giambattista Valli

That’s where all of my bloody tissues went…

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Zosia Mamet, Reem Acra

If she stands still enough, you might actually think you’re in Narnia.

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Edie Falco, Lanvin

Christmas is over, sweetheart. It’s OK. I’m sad too, but we have to let it go.

gg_edie

Sofia Vergara, Zac Posen

Have you seen Men In Black II? Just sayin’….

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Best of the rest:

Lily Rabe, Georges Hobeika

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Uma Thurman, Versace

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Margot Robbie, Gucci

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Zooey Deschanel, Oscar de la Renta

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