The 20 Best Things That Happened In 2014

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Feature Image Via Hulu

Last year, I summed up the most massive annoyances of the year. I decided to be a bit more chipper this year and look at the gifts we were given in 2014 instead. From French men dancing in heels to novelty, white-girl-approved Oreos, the treasures were overflowing. Personally, it was a great year for me as well. I began running, which lasted two months but proved to be the longest documented account of exercise in my life. I had my first full-time job since 17-year-old me was providing you outstanding customer service at every high school in America’s official fashion haus, Hollister. What else…Oh! I almost forgot the time I fell asleep in my running shower from 2am to roughly 4:30am. Such a great year. Here are some more milestones:

1. When Chris Schauble’s life flashed before his eyes.

When you think you’re watching SNL, but are actually watching a real, live news broadcast.

2. This Vine about the Christmas from Hell.
https://vine.co/v/OMh2DAYtmDr/embed/simple

Barbie never stood a chance. It was her time to go.

3. Last Week Tonight With John Oliver.

Unlike Piers Morgan, finally a British political commentator that isn’t a narcissistic asshole. Sure Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are great, but there is something about John Oliver that reigns supreme–and not just his likeness to that of Frozen‘s beloved Olaf.

4. Beyoncé’s “7/11” music video

Christmas came early for the folks at GoPro (basically the creators of the world’s best personal video camera) when Beyoncé decided to make her own video. Does Jay have the purse strings or what? Last year Bey spent $0 in advertisement for the release of her self-titled album, and it goes on to pass the now largely unattainable million-unit sales point. This year, she films a video for roughly $400, the cost of a GoPro Hero4. And guess what? It was still better than everyone else’s multi-million dollar videos. Cheap is the new luxe.

5. When POTUS’s tweets end all other tweets.

The first and, presumably, last president to both A) Know how to access the Internet and B) Figure out “the Twitter.”

6. When Taylor Swift thought she won a Grammy.
https://vine.co/v/Mu5BItuUZ1T/embed/simple

Uh, oh. The Grammy Committee might end up the subject of the next bitter T-Swift song.
“You can take me down with just one, single pronounced “R,”
But you don’t know, what you don’t know…”

7. Instagram enables comment editing.
InstaEdit

Game changer. Now there is no need for the humiliating follow-up comment to your comment that reads “*you’re”. Or if you mistakenly tag your picture in Las Vegas, NM instead of Las Vegas, NV, you are saved.

8. The best summertime ad ever created. You go Target!

If any of you have a backyard like this, and have yet to invite me, we are no longer friends.

9. Florida strikes again.

Holy mother of God. The state that seems to breed stupid like no other keeps finding ways to outdo last month’s crazy. Every time you say, “No” to bath salts, you save an unsuspecting McDonald’s franchise.

10. How To Get Away With Murder

Move over Olivia Pope, there is a new HBIC in town, and her name is Annalise Keating, played by the formiddable Viola Davis. But let’s be honest, I’m only here for Connor Walsh 😉 In all seriousness, this quickly became my go-to show for the year. Someone give Shonda Rhimes a TV MVP.

11. Yanis Marshall, and all his shades of fierce.

Who would’ve thought I’d be wishing for more French men dancing in heels this year? I mean…DAYUMMM. This little pocket rocket packs some serious punch. I’m both in love and terrified. If I didn’t think I would look absolutely ridiculous, I’d say #DanceGoals, but, like, no.

12. Her

Spike Jonze made me want to fall in love with my operating system this year when the innovative “Her” was released. Apart from the wi-fi sex with Scarlett Johanson’s voice, this film was a breath of fresh air. Funny, loving, artsy, beautifully acted and quippy–it did yield one of the best quotes ever: “[Love] it’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.”

13. The woman who couldn’t handle life after a hailstorm.

Grab your box of tissues. It’s like The Notebook–almost. “Do I just sweep it off? Do I need to put it in a separate receptacle?” I die. It’s so adorable though that she’s so worried about the environment in this darkest hour.

14. Sam Hunt

Country has never been as sexy until Sam Hunt entered the ring, regarding both his music and, obviously, his dreamy self. He looks like he could snap me in two with the flick of his wrist. Anyway, I love that he is pioneering the future of country music by incorporating R&B flavors. It’s exciting. He is, without a doubt, my favorite newcomer of the 2014 music scene.

15. Ariana Grande’s priceless face after dodging a Victoria’s Secret angel wing.
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You might be beautiful, but get yo’ damn wing out my face when I’m singing.

16. Pumpkin Spice Oreos
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White girls rejoice all across the land! The gods have gifted us another fall novelty. After last year’s gingerbread Oreos failed miserably, Nabisco redeemed themselves this year.

17. Kanye West’s style
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I was super excited when I received this copy of GQ in the mail–Yes, I still order print magazines. There is one thing about Ye you can’t deny: this man has style. And I love everything about his style. Okay, so he’s low key my fashion inspiration of late. I have always been a fan of tonal combinations and loose-fitting tops over slim-legged pants, but Kanye just slays it to perfection. Even though he’s been sort-of-but-not-really ex-communicated within the fashion world, he’s doing quite a fine job on his own accord.

18. This stunning nighttime hyperlapse of Los Angeles.

LA Light from Colin Rich on Vimeo.

If you know me, you know my favorite thing in life is a panoramic view of a city by nightfall. This is perfection. And the music selection is genius. Bravo.

19. Katy Perry’s Prismatic World Tour

I never thought I’d ever go to a concert alone, until no one would go with me to see Katy Perry. Let me tell you this: best decision ever. I had a blast and I gave zero fucks. The most entertaining concert I have ever been to.

20. Bey and Jay’s On the Run Tour

Because, obviously.

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WTF: a photo gallery

I’m constantly on the go. I don’t own a car (sad face) so I’m always interacting with way too many people for my own good. Bus trips, subway trips, walking trips–I see it all. This post is dedicated to all of the “WTF” moments I have encountered over the years.

I will take a picture of anything with my iPhone. If you look like an asshole or are failing at life miserably, Imma document it. Depending on my mood, I will try to be discrete about taking your picture, but more often then not I just point, shoot and smile with the satisfaction of my photographic achievement–at your expense.

1. Fashion trend: umbrella stand meets Egyptian flair.IMG_0379

2. One of my sister’s Christmas presents last year. My direct quote: “Who gave Calysta the Dildo night light?” My mom looked at me puzzled. “You seriously don’t see anything wrong with that?” The perfect gift for every child afraid of the dark.IMG_0708

3. Ok, so, did you steal the hat and are proud of it? Or, are we just forgetful? Could very well be a new trend, but I didn’t get the memo.IMG_0592

4. I have so many strong emotions about this. First, this is a Starbucks, not a damn living room. Second, get your nasty feet off of the table that people put their food on and work from. Third, I don’t want to hear any sass from you when I break out my Clorox wipes from my messenger bag and sanitize the premise. IMG_1371

5. Did you mean “yummy?” No need to ask what your TOEFL score was. IMG_6141

6. If you need to stop at the $0.99 store for your protection, I would advise you just stop now and rethink a few things, starting with your life choices. IMG_7037

7. My name’s Bryce, but OK. Whatever.IMG_5620

8. Our cat left this for us outside our front door. How sweet. She’s soooo cute. IMG_4297

9. Why I don’t travel with my dad more often. He pulls shit like this.

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10. And then there’s my mom, who removes snow with a Wal-Mart bag.

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11. Helen Keller is doing the mannequin displays at Kohl’s again. IMG_7555

12. This is just too much. Your wish of valeting at Ihop is now a reality. This isn’t Craft or Spago, park your damn car yourself. Also, there is only one lot out back of the restaurant, so I’m not sure what the winning advantage is here. IMG_2240

13. After a night in Vegas, I awoke to a knife on the floor. No one would claim responsibility for their late night decision not to murder the others in the room. IMG_7337

14. Aw, look at this adorable family. Yes, that is the father. Yes, that is the mother. And yes, that is their child. What did I tell you about those $0.99 condoms?IMG_5683

15. Say what you want about taking the bus, but do you get free snacks on your drive to work?IMG_7155

Living in L.A.

L.A. is truly my city. I feel completely at home. No other city gets me the way L.A. does, and I respect that. Thanks for watching out for me, gurl. Here is just a snapshot of the things that have set L.A. apart from anywhere else I lived:

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  1. There is a ubiquitous aroma of weed…even where seemingly impossible. You could be walking down the street with the road on one side and a 15-foot wall on the other, there’s no one around you, and BOOM there it is. WTF? But WHERE does it come from?!
  2. You get approached in a Trader Joe’s parking lot:
    • Q: “Hey, are you a model?”
    • A. “No.”
    • Q: “Oh, well I have this clothing line and I–“
    • A: “NO! I will not sleep with you.”

3.  Eating becomes a part-time job. Eating Sprinkles. Eating from another cupcake shop. Eating Cool Haus. Eating Diddy Riese. “Sprinkles are like the best ever.” “Bottega Louis is the best ever.” “That taco truck is the best ever.” “OMG you’ve never been to The Griddle?!” “I LOVE that farmer’s market. We should go some time!” “It’s where all the celebs go.” “You’ve NEVER had Korean BBQ?!”But I feel fat, let’s go to Lemonade.” And this is discourse over the span of one day.

4.  Similarly: I’m just having a banana today. I’m so fat. I have to go the gym. Well not like now, there are people there.

5.  Praying you don’t get urinated on or have to sit next to the cracked-out Mexican man sporting a nappy blond wig and excessive make-up put on by a three-year-old child, all while guzzling liquor out of a paper bag, is a common fear when riding Metro (for the few that do).

6.  You feel constantly pressured to “do” Runyon. It becomes so painful that you start deleting friends off of Instagram that post their hiking pics/videos every single morning, as you sit on the couch watching your DVR and contemplating where you’re eating breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert.

7.  Scoping out friends based on whether they have a pool or gym at their apartment complex.

8.  You debate any of the following:

    • Taking up acting/modeling–just like, on the side, see what happens?
    • Writing a screenplay/book. After all, you’re hilarious and creative and you’re bound to be famous.
    • Hot yoga sounds…fun?
    • Which cleanse to start.
    • What exactly IS boba?
    • NOT going to Chipotle because there are so many better LA places to try, but then you’re so hungry, and it’s right there, and you really don’t have time to try and Yelp that place you heard of–plus you don’t know the menu, and I can’t go somewhere new by myself. Well, I promise myself I’ll try that taco truck “next time.” Chipotle it is. And you don’t regret it at all. Even if it’s the fifth time this week, and it’s Wednesday.

9.  You wear pants and a scarf anyway, despite the 80-degree weather because dammit it’s October and I love fall.

10.  69 degrees is now the freezing point.

11.  There are children, sometimes toddlers, that are better dressed than you. And they know it.

12.  Every Range Rover or white Mercedes SUV could be a Kardashian. Is it obvious I’m looking?

13.  Were homes built blindfolded? I mean, I live next to a castle. And then there’s that brick building. And the Mediterranean one. Stucco. Wood. Cottage. Mud. Teepee. Igloo. Like was this a giant free-for-all?

14.  You confuse La Brea for Israel.

15.  The Levine-Beckham effect happens to you: black skinny jeans, a neutral-colored V-neck and a beanie. You also debate getting some new ink. Just one. Maybe a sleeve. You trim the sides of your head and keep it long on top.

16.  Events like ” The Grilled Cheese Invitational” exist.

17.  Ending up at the bar with The Wanted and one of them kisses you. Not a big deal.

18.  Calling your apartment management to unclog your toilet, change light bulbs, or do any other manual labor is acceptable and everyone does it. DIY? Lol.

19. The Santa Ana winds. You give up trying to look presentable.

20.  Saying “In the valley” equates to “In a land far, far away…”