The 20 Best Things That Happened In 2014

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Feature Image Via Hulu

Last year, I summed up the most massive annoyances of the year. I decided to be a bit more chipper this year and look at the gifts we were given in 2014 instead. From French men dancing in heels to novelty, white-girl-approved Oreos, the treasures were overflowing. Personally, it was a great year for me as well. I began running, which lasted two months but proved to be the longest documented account of exercise in my life. I had my first full-time job since 17-year-old me was providing you outstanding customer service at every high school in America’s official fashion haus, Hollister. What else…Oh! I almost forgot the time I fell asleep in my running shower from 2am to roughly 4:30am. Such a great year. Here are some more milestones:

1. When Chris Schauble’s life flashed before his eyes.

When you think you’re watching SNL, but are actually watching a real, live news broadcast.

2. This Vine about the Christmas from Hell.
https://vine.co/v/OMh2DAYtmDr/embed/simple

Barbie never stood a chance. It was her time to go.

3. Last Week Tonight With John Oliver.

Unlike Piers Morgan, finally a British political commentator that isn’t a narcissistic asshole. Sure Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are great, but there is something about John Oliver that reigns supreme–and not just his likeness to that of Frozen‘s beloved Olaf.

4. Beyoncé’s “7/11” music video

Christmas came early for the folks at GoPro (basically the creators of the world’s best personal video camera) when Beyoncé decided to make her own video. Does Jay have the purse strings or what? Last year Bey spent $0 in advertisement for the release of her self-titled album, and it goes on to pass the now largely unattainable million-unit sales point. This year, she films a video for roughly $400, the cost of a GoPro Hero4. And guess what? It was still better than everyone else’s multi-million dollar videos. Cheap is the new luxe.

5. When POTUS’s tweets end all other tweets.

The first and, presumably, last president to both A) Know how to access the Internet and B) Figure out “the Twitter.”

6. When Taylor Swift thought she won a Grammy.
https://vine.co/v/Mu5BItuUZ1T/embed/simple

Uh, oh. The Grammy Committee might end up the subject of the next bitter T-Swift song.
“You can take me down with just one, single pronounced “R,”
But you don’t know, what you don’t know…”

7. Instagram enables comment editing.
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Game changer. Now there is no need for the humiliating follow-up comment to your comment that reads “*you’re”. Or if you mistakenly tag your picture in Las Vegas, NM instead of Las Vegas, NV, you are saved.

8. The best summertime ad ever created. You go Target!

If any of you have a backyard like this, and have yet to invite me, we are no longer friends.

9. Florida strikes again.

Holy mother of God. The state that seems to breed stupid like no other keeps finding ways to outdo last month’s crazy. Every time you say, “No” to bath salts, you save an unsuspecting McDonald’s franchise.

10. How To Get Away With Murder

Move over Olivia Pope, there is a new HBIC in town, and her name is Annalise Keating, played by the formiddable Viola Davis. But let’s be honest, I’m only here for Connor Walsh 😉 In all seriousness, this quickly became my go-to show for the year. Someone give Shonda Rhimes a TV MVP.

11. Yanis Marshall, and all his shades of fierce.

Who would’ve thought I’d be wishing for more French men dancing in heels this year? I mean…DAYUMMM. This little pocket rocket packs some serious punch. I’m both in love and terrified. If I didn’t think I would look absolutely ridiculous, I’d say #DanceGoals, but, like, no.

12. Her

Spike Jonze made me want to fall in love with my operating system this year when the innovative “Her” was released. Apart from the wi-fi sex with Scarlett Johanson’s voice, this film was a breath of fresh air. Funny, loving, artsy, beautifully acted and quippy–it did yield one of the best quotes ever: “[Love] it’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.”

13. The woman who couldn’t handle life after a hailstorm.

Grab your box of tissues. It’s like The Notebook–almost. “Do I just sweep it off? Do I need to put it in a separate receptacle?” I die. It’s so adorable though that she’s so worried about the environment in this darkest hour.

14. Sam Hunt

Country has never been as sexy until Sam Hunt entered the ring, regarding both his music and, obviously, his dreamy self. He looks like he could snap me in two with the flick of his wrist. Anyway, I love that he is pioneering the future of country music by incorporating R&B flavors. It’s exciting. He is, without a doubt, my favorite newcomer of the 2014 music scene.

15. Ariana Grande’s priceless face after dodging a Victoria’s Secret angel wing.
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You might be beautiful, but get yo’ damn wing out my face when I’m singing.

16. Pumpkin Spice Oreos
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White girls rejoice all across the land! The gods have gifted us another fall novelty. After last year’s gingerbread Oreos failed miserably, Nabisco redeemed themselves this year.

17. Kanye West’s style
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I was super excited when I received this copy of GQ in the mail–Yes, I still order print magazines. There is one thing about Ye you can’t deny: this man has style. And I love everything about his style. Okay, so he’s low key my fashion inspiration of late. I have always been a fan of tonal combinations and loose-fitting tops over slim-legged pants, but Kanye just slays it to perfection. Even though he’s been sort-of-but-not-really ex-communicated within the fashion world, he’s doing quite a fine job on his own accord.

18. This stunning nighttime hyperlapse of Los Angeles.

LA Light from Colin Rich on Vimeo.

If you know me, you know my favorite thing in life is a panoramic view of a city by nightfall. This is perfection. And the music selection is genius. Bravo.

19. Katy Perry’s Prismatic World Tour

I never thought I’d ever go to a concert alone, until no one would go with me to see Katy Perry. Let me tell you this: best decision ever. I had a blast and I gave zero fucks. The most entertaining concert I have ever been to.

20. Bey and Jay’s On the Run Tour

Because, obviously.

Happy 60th Oprah! 20 reasons why we love you

Let’s face it: Oprah runs this Earth. For all that she does, I want to wish her the best on her big day. Since 60 is the new 20, I have thought of 20 reasons why we love her.

1. She has the power to single-handedly select the President of the United States/Leader of the Free World:

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2. She stands up to domestic violence.

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3. And gives it right back.

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4. We all rely on her to get us through our Plebeian lives.

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5. She secretly wants to be Beyonce too, like the rest of us.

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6. She’s both hood

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7. And classy.

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8. She had a cameo in “The Lion King.”

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9. She deals with basic bitches with elegance.

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10. She’s subtle.

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11. She is very persuasive.

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12. She gives away free stuff.

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13. She fangirls over One Direction too. (If she could time travel).

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14. She’s not impressed.

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15. She’s fabulous.

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16. She has the ability to make you do this:

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17. She’s a boss.

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18. She gives a lot to charity, because with 7 or 8 homes, $3 billion and a private jet, she can.

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19. But at least she earned it.

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20. And last but not least, she’s beautiful.

Oprah Winfrey

Eyes up here: Katy Perry’s big-chested dreams

Have you ever prayed? What did you pray for? Good health? Winning the lottery? World peace?

How about big boobs? No? Well, we’re not all Katy Perry.

“I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, ‘God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can’t see my feet when I’m lying down?’ ”

The “Dark Horse” singer opened up to GQ for her February cover story about her busty dreams, which not only came true, but are on full-display in next month’s issue. It’s so hot it may melt your popsicle.

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Apart from steaming up page six, the Cali gurl also opened up about devilish cereal, losing her virginity at 16, her obsession with Japan, and everything else that makes her the quirky doe-eyed gal we all wish we could have a sleepover with. One of my favorite quotes touches upon both aliens and President Obama–the usual:

“I look up into the stars and I imagine: How self-important are we to think that we are the only life-form? I mean, if my relationship with Obama gets any better, I’m going to ask him that question. It just hasn’t been appropriate yet.”

I’ll close with a final thought/request: I need for Katy to remake the “E.T.” music video where Obama raps Kanye West’s verses. Thank you.

Kanye being–well, Kanye

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The “Yeezus” tour stopped in L.A. this week. After rocking two nights at Staples Center, Kanye West visited “On-Air with Ryan Seacrest” to chat with the entertainment guru. And what he said was…you be the judge.

“There’s no way Kim Kardashian shouldn’t be on the cover of Vogue. She’s like the most intriguing woman right now. She’s got Barbara Walters calling her like everyday.”

“Like I went anti-hit song on the “Yeezus” album. I know how to write hit songs, but I’m not interested in that particularly. I’m interested in design and helping the world.”

“…but because of the perception I was under after the Taylor Swift incident, the only way for me to somehow buy my affection of the public back, was to deliver an absolutely perfected product. So if you listen to “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”, that’s the closest thing to a perfected album. So it’s like, I know how to make perfection, I just don’t want to.” He followed up on the Taylor incident with, “You know what? I would not want some crazy drunk rockstar cutting my daughter off also. But, my daughter would 100% also be like, ‘Yes, Beyoncé did have the best video.’ That’s what my daughter would do!”

“What if you’re Gaudí and you know you’re the best architect and everyone is saying that you’re saying you’re the best architect the wrong way. The problem isn’t whether or not you are the best – it’s the way you’re saying it. People get really hung up on the way I word things. But I am the best. That’s the bottom line.”

“I drink Grey Goose. And I’m not getting paid anything from them, but I’m going to tell you as a man – and they said Shakespeare was like a drunk and yes, I said that to blatantly compare myself to Shakespeare.”

“And collectively, we’re the most influential with clothing. No one is looking at what [President] Obama is wearing. Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.”

I’ll cap it at that. My only concern is that if he keeps name-dropping celebrated creative figures, he’s going to exhaust the list! I know he said fiancée Kim is the most intriguing personality right now, but I think he might be overlooking someone else, someone much…closer. I could listen to him talk all day. I really could.

P.S. I’d take Michelle Obama’s arms over Kim’s bottom asset any day. My point: say what you want, but don’t drag POTUS and FLOTUS into this. Untouchables.

[Images via hellobeautiful.com and L.A. Times]